Reflective, but Almost There - PLDP Week Two (13th to 19th July)

This week is finally the last week of the school term, and due to COVID 19, our province decided to have schools open on Saturdays and to extend the school year, even though our region was one of the first to bring students back to class. So, everyone is tired and ready to go home. Due to COVID 19, all the foreign teachers on our team are either trapped outside of China, subsequently fled to join family overseas, or resigned to move to greener pastures created by the COVID 19 crisis in other schools. So, this week is a time of goodbyes salted with broken promises and dreams.

On Wednesday, I woke up feeling frustrated that all our teachers fled and we need to find new ones during the COVID 19 crisis when teachers in China are in short supply. No indication has been made by the government when borders might open, and the quality of many applicants now is unsatisfactory. Having many interviews, with the thought of many more over the summer, leaves one feeling despondent and exhausted. A feeling made worse given that on Tuesday one of the new teachers informed me that they could not get out of their contract, and so are unable to come even though they are very keen to do so.

My feeling of despondency is exacerbated by my recent interview for our leadership profile assignment. I interviewed the CEO of a group that manages several schools in China. Looking for insights into how leadership might adapt to the current crisis, I instead found an individual who has accepted the reality of the inertia of the Chinese environment. Rather than seeing the opportunity for innovation and leadership, after thirty years in China realising that, instead, the real way to work with, and hopefully influence is through accepting and finding ones place in the Chinese ecosystem. As one who came on a journey to learn and grow through setting up an international school, this has left me wondering if the situation is hopeless and I am predestined to simply have a simple managed functional role within the Chinese desired system.

Moving to China, I lost all my previous routines for well-being, and I have never reestablished them. Instead, I have found myself on a treadmill, and I lament the need to get the simple things back in balance. I find myself tired, ready for the end of the school year. Feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted, worn down by the constant battering by waves over which I have no control. Unsure what to do with the holiday, I don’t want to get caught by the natural disasters happening at the moment in China, nor the potential exposure to COVID 19. Unable to leave China as I would be unable to return, I grow tired of the possibly pointless restrictions created by COVID 19. My strategy for improving wellness is to focus on what I can do here, knowing that staying here might be less complicated than attempting to go on a holiday.

While as I write this, one might feel that I have fallen into the pit of despair, or I am overwhelmed with despondency and overtaken with melancholy. However, I know that it is my way of processing the feelings of what is going on and working through potential issues. I look forward to the holiday, and the chance to focus on well-being to recharge and gain perspective that I might once again step us and be the leader that my team needs.

In the book of Psalms in the Bible, there is a type of Psalm called a lament. In a lament, the psalmist feels deep despair, and laments that they are going into the pit, it is as if death itself will swallow them up. Then, halfway through the Psalm, something happens. The psalmist looks up, and sees God. In doing so they gain perspective, and the psalm changes to sing the praises of God, for when they see God, their troubles are put into stark perspective by the faithfulness of God to be their Rock, their Defender.

I did make progress on starting with beginning my PLDP, and it will only get better...

Focus for the Personal Leadership Development Plan

Paul Wilson - Summer 2020

To reset and strengthen areas that I have ignored since arriving in China